Vent of Hearing

Enough is enough

Want to have a go at defending the indefensible? First, get some top tips from Sir Alex Ferguson: "I do not think he swung an elbow - he put an arm across his face."

I'm a supported of Manchester United and have been since 1977 (the earliest I remember was the FA Cup final that year) and have always been glad and proud that United have always played "good" football (even when Dave Sexton was in charge).

Ferguson has produced some of the most exciting and attacking football teams I've ever seen. I haven't seen a better team than the 1994 Double Winning side. Ever. Period.

Of course, with the exciting, skillful teams comes aggression, arrogance and motivation. Without those you win nothing. Need I say anything other than Eric Cantona?

Cantona changed after the Crystal Palace incident and received one yellow card in the years he played afterwards. Roy Keane has a long way to go before he can change, and hasn't half the intelligence of Cantona and I don't think he's capable.

Yet Ferguson defends him, and more than that, he calls a deliberate elbow "innocuous". It might not have been particularly painful to be on the receiving end of that elbow, but it was a deliberate act of revenge, and cannot be defended. It wasn't even heat of the moment, because the catalystic incident came twenty minutes earlier. I don't
mind Ferguson not wanting to comment on the incident, and support his methodology of never critising his players in public, but I can't agree with him trying to defend it.

I'm not proud to be a United fan at this particular point in time. Keane needs to reform in the manner of Cantona, or stop playing for us, and Ferguson can do no greater favour to Manchester United byretiring suddenly and without warning at the end of this season.

Also, in the manner of Cantona.

I look forward to the next Manchester United era, where the team might not be so successful, but would continue to play exciting and attacking football.

The Strokes Are the Wedding Present

And it came to pass that The Strokes were "The best thing since sliced bread" according to NME and therefore hyped beyond all belief.

Saw them at Reading Festival last week, they were alright, but Pulp should have been headliners. In fact, we decided that the Strokes are in fact The Wedding Present in disquise and we were able to match the words and tune of "Apple Pie" to every Strokes song except "Last Nite"

"The Wedding Present PLUS a drum machine PLUS excess publicity PLUS silly names PLUS rough Athena poster art PLUS indie-baiting success PLUS corny mid-song pause PLUS remembering the hooks EQUALS the best indie single of 2001."

Evening Session goes

BBC are getting rid of the Evening Session. I haven't listened to it for a while, as my lifestyle means listening to the Radio is impossible outside of the car, but it always used to be the best thing on Radio 1 (after Mark'n'Lard, natch; oh and Peel).

It'll probably be replaced by a top 40 program nammering in the nails on the coffin that Radio 1 is already in.

Utd defeat could not have been worse

BBC SPORT | Football | Champions League | Man Utd suffer shock defeat

"individual errors were to blame - with Phil Neville the main culprit"

Uuuggh, no comment.

Keane admits he meant to kick Haaland

Roy Keane is an idiot for admiting he meant to harm Alf Inge Haaland.

"But the revelation that the assault was as pre-meditated as it was sickening will win no fans."

But I didn't need Keane to admit it to know it was pre-meditated. Of course he meant to do it.

The FA should ban Keane for a hefty number of games (we've got Butt to replace him anyway), if only to shut up the people who are saying "Cos he plays for Man United, he'll get away with it". Let me tell you that it happens all through football, and you are blind if you think it is only Roy Keane. Only Keane is stupid enough to say it in a book.

When will they learn that publishing books whilst still playing is not a good idea.

Litmus Test

Litmus Test: "What do you think I should know about you?"

I'm a convicted murderer.

I'm very shy with people I don't know. Once I know you, I become a normal person, but until then, it is difficult for me to engage with you. I appreciate this may come across as rude, if I mumble a vague "hello" in your directory as I pass, and then loudly share a joke with the next person I see. It's just the next person is some one I know well, and the shyness is gone.

If pinpointing a reason for this helps, it was probably a primary school English class where we enacted a trial. I was found guilty of murder, unable to prove my innocence in spite of everything I tried. As my nervousness increased, I mistakenly appended my surname to a girl in the class that I fancied, providing much mirth for the rest of the class, and sheer embarassement for myself and the girl.

For the record, my teacher said that I really did do the crime, but I may well have been doing the time ever since

Lucky Arsenal: Proven

A recent New Scientist feature reported on "why football is the most popular game in the world?".
It's because the best team doesn't always win, according to author John Wesson.

The theory goes that if all teams were equal, chance would dictate who won a game of football, and due to the low scoring nature of football, there is a chance that the better team will lose a game of football. The most likely score for this would be 1-0. The higher the score the less likely it is for the winning team to be the worse team.

Using this theory, you can calculate how likely it is that the winner of the Championship is actually the best team in the league.

It turns out that Arsenal only had a 62% chance of being the best team, 2nd placed Liverpool had a 20%(I forget the exact amount, sorry) chance and Manchester United a 12% chance. Even 4th placed Newcastle had a 3% chance of being the best team.

How many times have you cursed Lucky "1-0 to the" Arsenal? Okay, recently they got all flair and French but you always suspected it was all based on luck.

(Views here are based purely on statistical analysis and bitterness does not come into it. At all. Never.)

Setting yourself up for a fall

ESPN.com Soccernet England: News - City chairman: Drop 'inconceivable'

"Relegation from the Premiership for Manchester City this coming season is totally inconceivable."

I'd love it if they went down, absolutely love it.

Plush Cthulhu

Tales of the Plush Cthulhu [via Every man and his dog]

Lawrence Miles Speaks Out

Lawrence Miles Vents Spleen...

"At best they are just a bunch of *********** who ************* and ********* as well as [censored on the grounds that it's just getting silly now]"

You're not normally left with so much when you have to edit his interviews.

Nearly Spurs

Amusing feature on how Spurs nearly sign a lot of great players.

They also nearly signed Solskjaer two seasons ago, but he was clearly sane.

Incidentaly, my friend has bet that Andy Cole will finish as Premiership top scorer this season. He wasn't good enough to do it an Man United, so why Blackburn.

Personally, I think it will be Michael Owen this season providing he steers clear of injury.

When breakups go wrong

This happened to me once when saying a breakup speach. I was very annoyed.

Conversely, I did it myself the next year. I and got a kick in the leg for it; so fair enough.

Ferguson raving to go

ESPN.com Soccernet England: News - Ferguson: Vieira wanted to play for us

"They would all like to come here. Patrick Vieira would love to have come here last year, but they wouldn't let him."

Perhaps Alex has sacked the person who reminds him when to take the pills.

The Dying Days

I've been following the Dying Days on the BBCi website for the past few months.

Anyone who has ever wondered what the fascination is with Doctor Who in book form, should take a look at this unique ebook.

A little history. Doctor Who, the TV series, finished way back in time, a long time ago. A year or so later, Virgin bought the rights to produce a series of books about the Doctor and his companion Ace (wicked! ace!).

It was moderately successful and when the Paul McGann TV Movie was produced, the BBC decided that they would like a bit of the cash from these books, and decided no to renew Virgin's book license. Ever since, the BBC have been producing Doctor Who books featuring the 8th Doctor. (Although, there are of varying quality, on the whole they are a good read if you like Sci-Fi in general).

The Dying Days was the last ever Virgin Doctor Who book, and was the first Doctor Who book featuring Paul McGann as the Doctor. Most Virgin books were reprinted and can be bought for £1.50 in charity shops up and down the country. Not the Dying Days. It wasn't reprinted, and virtually every copy was bought. It has been seen on sale on Ebay for over £100. Now, it is available online for free. I've been using the printed copy and downloading it onto my palm using iSilo.