From the Orient

Help, the men in blue are after me for flagrant aqua abuse (and no, it doesn’t involve “Aquarion”:http://www.aquarionics.com

Let’s start at the beginning, or rather the toilet. Many moons ago (June 2002), I attempted to “fix the toilet and had a small amount of trouble”:http://www.dellah.com/vent/how_to_break_a_toilet.shtml resulting in a small flood and £90 being extracted from my wallet with a spanner. Since that day I have been banned from touching any plumbing in the house.

Fast forward to two week ago when a tap in the utility room starts dripping. Two days later it starts flowing, two days after that is appears to be gushing. Luckily my wife has a friend whose husband is a plumber. He was due to come round Saturday. Unfortunately, he is an Arsenal fan, but I’ll let him off if he can fix my tap. Unluckily, he manages to get a ticket to see Arsenal play Chelsea on Saturday. Most unfortunately they won but that’s another story. In short, he didn’t turn up, so on Sunday, my dad managed to stop the tap from flowing but couldn’t actually fix it. No, it wasn’t just a washer, but I wouldn’t have been allowed to fix that anyway.

Onto today, when my next door neighbour tells me Thames Water have had the “Water Detection” Engineers knocking on my door. They were asking all sorts of questions like do we do lots of washing, how many children did we have, are we running an illegal water bottle factory in our back garden, any water based alien life forms living in the house that need constant moisture. You know, the usual. My neighbours knows about the dripping tap, but kept stum. Good job too. She owes me for me fixing her AOL connection. Got my hands dirty doing that.

Should I answer the door in future? What will they do to us if they catch us? And how will Aquaaag survive now her water supply has been cut off. I’ve been keeping her in that sink, she was so thirsty. Back to the planet Aquaaaagia, I suppose.

Wonder how Richard Herring is doing in his water based activities today?

Paul Personal