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The acts commenced on this ball of earth: Upon my tongues continual slanders ride,

1. ECG Travails, Part I

2. 20 Feb 2002

   I was early for my appointment with the nurse, which betrayed my nervousness about the situation. I sat in the car for about ten minutes attempting to read my book, but I was stuck on the first sentence, having to read it again and again without it entering into memory. Giving up, I made my way inside the building.

   Inside, the wait was very short. I was taken to a treatment room, by Nurse Freida. She explained the procedure quite simply. First I would have the E.C.G., then the blood test. T-Shirt removed, I lay on the treatment table whilst she applied twelve sticky things to my chest and ankles. Then she attached some leads to the sticky things. The leads led to a small machine that sat inside a briefcase like holder. She explained that she was going to monitor me from a computer, and I should lie back and relax whilst she did this. If the leads came unstuck she would notice from her computer and come back to reapply them. Because of this, I expected her to leave the room and visit some kind of master mainframe type computer, but she sat at her desk and used her PC.

   I stared at the styrofoam ceiling wondering what I could think about that would make me calmer. This, unfortunately got me thinking about what men could think about when performing certain sexual activities that they wish to be delayed. I certainly didn't want to be thinking about that sort of thing whilst attached to a heart-rate monitor.

   It was all over in a couple of minutes, and a wiggly scan was printed out, looking like the output of an old school Physics experiment. Freida pulled the wires off and generally distracted me before plunging a needle into one of my veins. This was actually more of a discomfort than a pain. I could feel the needle in me, and my little fingers started to go numb, but it was bearable for a short time. The problem was that I wasn't bleeding. Freida explained this was usually because the patient is feeling stressful. I didn't really have the guts to say, "Well, actually, I'm quite relaxed now." Its the waiting that makes me nervous. Once the situation has arrived, I'm fine. Eventually, she got me to bleed and had extracted an armful.

   She cautioned me to stay lying down whilst she went to see the doctor to check the E.C.G. results. "Standard procedure," she explained. "To make sure the graph is a 'good' one." By good, I guessed she meant readable, learning quickly from last weeks chest X-Ray experience. When she came back, I had redressed, not feeling dizzy at all.

   "Actually, the doctor would like to see you today," said the nurse.
   "Huh," I replied.
   "He took a look at the graph and wants to discuss some irregularities with you."
   "Okay." That sounds incredibly bad. A pause.
   "That sounds bad," I said.
   "Oh, don't worry about it. I'm sure its nothing. In fact, he asked me whether I had the leads on the wrong way round. But I checked when I did it."

   What does one say at that this point? She arranged with reception a time to see the doctor during his lunch hour, which only increased my worry. How serious can it be if he is going to give up his lunchtime?

   The nurse had been muttering something about leads which I didn't hear, but she evidently decided that perhaps she ought to do another test now. "Just to make sure," she said. So, we went through the sticky pad and leads routine, this time with me feeling very worried. The nurse examined the graph and said "It looks better, honestly. Don't worry, come back later and the doctor will sort it out."

   Part two soon.

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   Comments

   Blimes. Hope it's all OK.

   "He asked me whether I had the leads on the wrong way round" is a slightly worrying bit, mind...

   Posted by Aquarius at February 21, 2002 05:19 PM
   
   

   AOL to Aquarius.

   And nice to know the nurses are expected to be trained in cables...

   Posted by Aquarion at February 21, 2002 07:51 PM
   
   

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